Do you ever have those days where you just can’t figure out if you should do something or not, because it really could go either way. I’ve had this struggle ever since I found out about that job I had reservations about from the beginning.

I keep going back and forth not knowing if I am supposed to be doing it or not.  I talk to the gentleman and I think I am supposed to be doing it.  But, then when it comes down to it.  I just can’t.   It is taking me away from what I am really supposed to be doing.

I think I am letting desperation for money be the reason I am pursing something I just know I should not be doing.  It is not wrong. But, it is wrong for me.  It is causing me to lose my freedom to serve God the way I know He wants me to serve him.

I feel enslaved. I feel  like I am drowning.  I look at what the training will entail.  And, I go into a panic.  I start sobbing, as I know- THIS IS NOT ME.  The other areas of my life are now being affected.  I feel I don’t have time for what is really important, because this “thing” is all consuming.

I have to end this.  And, I have to end it for good.


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